WHY A RUSSIAN WOMAN?

I constantly get asked why an American or Canadian should marry a Russian woman. Well, I married a Russian, so I am somewhat prejudiced, but I'll try to be honest and straightforward. A little bit about me, though, first, so you can see where I am coming from. I am 39 years old. I was married to an American doctor for ten years before I got divorced at age 35. I started dating, but even though I went out constantly, the only women I found likable were in their 40's, and as I wanted children, this didn't hack it. The younger women I met were generally flighty and lacking maturity.

I went to Russia on business three years ago and took the opportunity to date some Russians (who wouldn't?) I was so impressed with the culture and mindset of the women there, that I seriously started wife-hunting. When I met my present wife (she was 17), I initially shied away due to her age. But I soon learned that age is only a tag. We got together again several months later, and I invited her to the US. I quickly fell in love with her, as did my family. We married, and I couldn't be happier. She is the anchor to my day, the love of my life. I didn't know what I was missing until I had it.

OK. So what about Russian women in general. First of all, let me give you the downside. This is not an easy task you are undertaking. It is much easier to marry someone next door. Don't let anyone fool you. It is not easy. Mail can be iffy and quite slow. Russians are not necessarily the quickest to respond to a letter to even get it on its way. Telephones can be down for periods of time. Dealing with the INS is not always a walk in the park. And language and cultural differences can cause problems.

While many Russians speak English, this is generally school English. They often need practice until they really are up to speed. One of our first couples had a problem when the man wouldn't accept the wedding rings from the jeweler as they didn't fit. The poor girl thought he was calling off the wedding and was in tears until they called us and Irina was able to explain it to her. (They are now happily married and have a baby.) Russians can also be a little moody at times, particularly when they first arrive. Several men have reported this and at first thought they had done something wrong.

Finally, there is the cost. No matter how you do this, you will need to spend some money. Whether she comes over here or you go over there, there will be plane tickets, phone bills, etc. (But then again, there are costs here, too. I blew $3,000.00 with Great Expectations for basically nothing.)

So given the above, why should anyone want to marry a Russian? Well those same cultural differences also reflect some great characteristics. Russian women tend to be much more family-oriented than their American counterparts. While many successful American women seem to put their jobs first, Russian women consider their jobs only as a means to support the family. Their husbands and children come first.

Russian women do not think it is wrong to believe that women and men are different. Not that one is better or worse than another, but equal in different ways. They are not slaves, but equals. Russian women believe that men and women have different roles in life, and these roles seem to reflect the roles which existed during the 1950's here in the US. They want to keep the house, cook the meals, etc. When Irina and I come home from hiking or something, she insists on cooking the meal even though we might both be tired. (I've got to take out the garbage, though, and even though she is a world-class athlete, I do most of the heavy lifting at home.)

Russian women are less materialistic than many Americans. As long as they have a roof over their heads, and, surprisingly enough, a car (not necessarily a good one, but anything: I think it represents freedom to then), that is enough. We have had five couples in the last two years decide against marriage. With the first couple, it was the girl who called it off despite the fact that the man made $600K per year. He wanted arm-candy, she wanted the figurative white picket fence, dog in the yard, and apron around the waist. So she is back looking.

Russian women do not care about a man's appearance and are more willing to accept large age differences. Russian women want "nice" guys. They are wary of alcoholics and of being abused. The same physical characteristics which might make American women shun many men do not matter in the least to a Russian. It is the heart which matters. They also are wary of men too young as they fear a young man might still want to sow his oats. They prefer men more mature.

Russian women are really quite adaptable. Once they get over the first bout of home sickness, they readily take to their new lives. English is easily learned, as is cooking new styles of food for their husbands. Yet they never lose their basic characteristics which attracted the men in the first place.

The Russian women who join agencies tend to be well-educated, capable women. They do need to rely solely on the husband but are able to contribute to the family.

Russian women are feminine, loving, sweet, and traditionally minded. They can be your best friend, your lover, your partner. They can be the answer to your prayers.

But they are not for everyone. They are not slaves or servants. They will not accept you only for your passport. And they are not for men who are hidebound in their ways.

By-the-way, some companies tout that American -Russian marriages have very low divorce rates. These statements are worthless. There have not been enough marriages over time to determine this. In five years we can have some valid statistics. I think the rates will be low, but we really have to wait to find out.

Our agency does not degrade American women. After all, my mother and sisters are American. And there are many wonderful American women out there looking for husbands. It is just that for many men, we believe the odds of them finding a suitable life-partner would be much higher in Russia than in the US.

I've tried to present both the good and the bad. If you think every Russian woman is a heaven-sent answer to every man's prayers, then you are mistaken. But if you are willing to go into this with your eyes open, you will be successful. Of that I have no doubt. Russian women are truly great, and you only need that special one to find true happiness. I've found that happiness, and I know you can, too. So if you think Russian women generally fit your needs, then give it a shot. The only thing you have to lose is your loneliness.

Jonathan